Welcome to part one of a blog series on identity where we’ll discover how we can be our authentic selves in a world that is constantly trying to define us. We’ll uncover the moments and messages that have shaped who we are today and learn practical steps we can take to heal from the past, be our authentic self, and live a life of purpose.
Adolescent Years:
We all have defining moments in our lives which shape and impact our identity whether we realise it or not. One of them in particular is our adolescent years, age 12-18. During this season, adolescents are trying to discover who they are, where they’re going and how they fit into the world.
Sometimes their self-discovery will look like challenging and questioning their beliefs and values. Other times it’ll look like trying new experiences or different ways of dressing – discovering what they like and don’t like.
If they navigate this season successfully, they’ll have a good sense of identity and a security within themselves. If they don’t, they’ll experience confusion about who they are, where they’re going, and how they fit into the world.
Defining Moments and Messages:
What makes these defining moments are the messages we receive. These messages shape our belief system and impact the way we see ourselves, others, and the world.
Having a mom that said, ‘you can do anything you put your mind to’, sent a message that who I am was enough, I have different strengths and weaknesses than others and that’s ok.
On the other hand, having a dad that spent more time with his friends than his family communicated a message that I’m not important and my needs don’t matter.
Created in God’s Image:
Although the message we received may have resonated with how we felt in that moment, but it’s not the truth of who we are. We’re created in the image of God which means if He is powerful, strong, loving, worthy, merciful, kind, compassionate and good, then so are you.
Failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Being rejected doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.
Being abused doesn’t mean you have no worth.
Friend, your past may have shaped who you are today, but it certainly doesn’t have to define your future. Psychology echoes what we read in scripture when it defines our core self as calm, confident, curious, creative, adventurous, stable, connected, compassionate, courageous, and playful. This is the centre of who we are before defining moments and messages shaped our identity.
Before we felt worthless because of being rejected. Before we were afraid to speak up and have an opinion because we were humiliated. Before we felt the pressure to be perfect because we weren’t allowed to make mistakes without being berated.
Worthless, afraid, perfect….. this is not who you were created to be. It’s a message you received in a hurtful moment or multiple moments that has shaped the way you see yourself and interact with those around you.
Authentic Self:
A conflict occurs in our identity when we live in response to other people’s (real or perceived) expectations or reactions instead of in response to the truth of who we are and who God has created us to be.
This misalignment causes anxiety, tension, confusion, and uncertainty because how we behave and what we believe is in conflict with our core self, who we are.
Being our authentic self means who we are on the inside, is who we are on the outside.
What we think, believe, and how we behave aligns with who we TRULY ARE, as defined by God, not our fears or experiences.
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
Brené Brown
Below are some reflective questions to help you identify and process what I’ve touched on in this post. If what I’ve shared has resonated with you, then keep an eye out for the next blog (part two) where we’ll continue exploring the form and function of our identity.
PAUSE – PRAY – PROGRESS
- Defining Moments and Messages: what are the moments and experiences that have shaped you and the messages you received growing up?
- Image of God: Who does the Lord say that you are and how does this differ to the messages you’ve received from your experiences.
- Authenticity: What does authenticity look like for you?